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It's certainly been a minute. The lack of any new updates is due to the fact that I have been settling in to my new home. For the most part, I'd say this has been a net positive for me (as I predicted!). I think I'll start with the negative first, just to get it out of my system.
The emotional turmoil of the move has left my nervous system a wreck, so I'm still very anxious. In fact, it's made everything so much harder to where I still haven't explored the town and hardly even leave the house as is. I don't really know any of my neighbors, though I have met a couple as they approached me first while I was out and about. On top of that, my OCD has flared up a bit. I never felt sure about this before, but it's beginning to look like I do have Contamination OCD. Looking back, I might have actually always been like this, but it's certainly gotten worse as I grew older. This came to my attention when I started showering in my bathroom (we each have our own bathroom) and it dawned on me that I'm going to be the only one cleaning it. I know this sounds bad, but I'm not very used to having to clean these kinds of things, so it's been stressing me out quite a bit. I bought a daily shower spray, weekly shower spray, squeegee, an extendable shower scrubber, gloves, and I'm looking into where I can find some disposable masks. Something about grime and soap scum just makes me want to vomit and it exhausts me to have to clean these things, so I'm trying to take as many precautions to avoid touching it directly as possible. Eugh.
Anyway, that's the negativity out of the way. I've actually gotten quite a bit done since settling in to the new house. It's easier to make this a list actually, so:
The emotional turmoil of the move has left my nervous system a wreck, so I'm still very anxious. In fact, it's made everything so much harder to where I still haven't explored the town and hardly even leave the house as is. I don't really know any of my neighbors, though I have met a couple as they approached me first while I was out and about. On top of that, my OCD has flared up a bit. I never felt sure about this before, but it's beginning to look like I do have Contamination OCD. Looking back, I might have actually always been like this, but it's certainly gotten worse as I grew older. This came to my attention when I started showering in my bathroom (we each have our own bathroom) and it dawned on me that I'm going to be the only one cleaning it. I know this sounds bad, but I'm not very used to having to clean these kinds of things, so it's been stressing me out quite a bit. I bought a daily shower spray, weekly shower spray, squeegee, an extendable shower scrubber, gloves, and I'm looking into where I can find some disposable masks. Something about grime and soap scum just makes me want to vomit and it exhausts me to have to clean these things, so I'm trying to take as many precautions to avoid touching it directly as possible. Eugh.
Anyway, that's the negativity out of the way. I've actually gotten quite a bit done since settling in to the new house. It's easier to make this a list actually, so:
- I sorted out all the bureaucratic stuff, including my health insurance. I think I spent the first few days updating my address everywhere I needed to. Just yesterday I finally made the final call regarding my health insurance, and now I just have to wait for my ID cards to arrive in the mail. Haha, it really was a total pain, but I'm glad I got it done. (I also somewhat sorted my grandfather's insurance as well.)
- I now have a psychiatrist through those online telehealth services. I'm planning to switch to an in-person psychiatrist later on down the line, but for now this works. I'm back on Prozac (though a disappointingly lower dose) and Hydroxyzine. No new thoughts on the Prozac other than I'm glad to be getting back on it. I certainly need it.
- My best friend, the one who moved, is going to be picking me up for her birthday party in a few days. I'm not exactly thrilled to be around her friends to be quite honest, but I am happy to see her again. I wanna clean up my room a bit before she arrives, as it's been fairly messy due to my low energy at the moment.
- The people around here are relatively friendly so I feel safe going out and wandering around. Admittedly I had some reservations about moving to a predominately white area, but I'm adjusting slowly but surely.
- I gave in to my therapist's insistence and applied to the nearest community college. I'm definitely not ready right this moment, so I'll be actually enrolling in classes for the Spring semester. In the meantime, I'm looking into free online resources to prepare for certifications. I have no diplomas or certifications at all at the moment, so it will be nice to actually have something nice on my resumé beyond a minimum wage job I quit after a month (lol).
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